Month: April 2017

You Go First: Why It’s Hard To Start Seeing A Therapist

You Go First: Why It's Hard To Start Seeing A TherapistWe all have had personal experience with either being reluctant to go see a therapist ourselves or living with the frustration involved when someone we love drags his or her feet at the prospect of “getting some help,” as we like to say. What makes it so painfully difficult to reach out for counseling? Bad information is often involved. I’d like to address some widespread myths that get in the way:

MYTH: Therapy doesn’t do anything that a chat with my best friend couldn’t do, so why bother?

TRUTH: While friendships are important for everyone, they are not the same as therapy. Therapy is designed to help you see what it is not possible for you to see for yourself, in an objective and caring environment in which you don’t have the burden of having to work to keep the other person engaged and paying attention.

LGBT Healthcare and Resources

MYTH: I’m not as messed up as my spouse/child/parent. Why should I be the one to get therapy?

TRUTH: Life is not a contest over who should be the first to do the right thing. Therapy is for people intelligent and courageous enough to realize that there is no way we can be completely objective about ourselves. (Einstein helped us figure that one out with his theory of relativity.) When something is obviously keeping you from firing on all cylinders in your relationship with yourself or with the significant people in your life, it is a clear signal suggesting that it may be time to seek counseling.

Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists

The Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists (AGLP) is a professional organization of psychiatrists, psychiatry residents, and medical students which serves as a voice for the concerns of lesbians and gay men within the psychiatric community.

http://aglp.org/

MYTH: I don’t want to spend the money.

TRUTH: In the first place, the cost might be covered by health insurance, and there are low-cost options available in most communities. But why would you not want to spend money on something that is likely to make your life better – possibly way better? Are you waiting for someone else to do that for you? Reluctance to pay for therapy just because you don’t like to part with your money can be a smokescreen to hide your worries about meeting the unknown in your own mind and about truly facing the reality of your life.  Therapists are trained to make that process a reasonable one for you. Therapy helps you grow up, no matter what your chronological age is.

MYTH: Once you start therapy, it never ends. Just look at Woody Allen and his never-ending analysis.

TRUTH: Competent therapy has a beginning, middle, and end. Most often I work from a psychoanalytic framework, which generally does take a long time. However, the process might usefully be thought of as rewiring parts of the brain – not a quick task. But my expectation for every patient is that we will indeed one day say goodbye because we will have cured the problems the patient came for help with. (That is one difference between analytic therapy and supportive therapy.)

MYTH: I don’t have time for therapy.

TRUTH: You might want to poll the people who love you before you go with that; they might want to ask you exactly what you think is more important to spend your time doing than improving your relationship with them. If we only have so much time on Planet Earth, doesn’t it make sense to get help sooner rather than later, especially if it means the help may improve your whole life?

MYTH: There’s no way to know if a particular therapist can be trusted.

TRUTH: Any career attracts a few bad apples. However, the psychotherapy field is full of competent, kind, highly-educated professionals with skills to help you. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out if a particular therapist is a good match for you. Are they licensed? Has their license been suspended at any point? Do they belong to the professional organization of their license (e.g. the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists)? Were they referred by someone you have reason to respect? Does their office convey a sense of professionalism? Do they demonstrate respect for your time? Are they clear about fees?  Do they refrain from using your time to tell you about their personal lives? Do they make it clear that therapy takes place under strictly professional standards? Are they focused on listening to you? Are you comfortable talking with them?

MYTH: I should be able to figure things out myself without professional help.

TRUTH: Is that what you tell yourself when your car needs a tune-up? If your roof is leaking and needs attention, do you berate yourself for not fixing it yourself? Do you cut your own hair? Some things just can’t be done well by even the best intentioned untrained person. Therapy falls into that category. There is no shame in having problems – it’s part of being human. The shame is in letting matters fester, rather than call a therapist. Even therapists need therapists at some points.

You Go First: Why It’s Hard To Start Seeing A Therapist

The post You Go First: Why It’s Hard To Start Seeing A Therapist appeared first on Seasons of Pride.

You Go First: Why It’s Hard To Start Seeing A Therapist

You Go First: Why It's Hard To Start Seeing A TherapistWe all have had personal experience with either being reluctant to go see a therapist ourselves or living with the frustration involved when someone we love drags his or her feet at the prospect of “getting some help,” as we like to say. What makes it so painfully difficult to reach out for counseling? Bad information is often involved. I’d like to address some widespread myths that get in the way:

MYTH: Therapy doesn’t do anything that a chat with my best friend couldn’t do, so why bother?

TRUTH: While friendships are important for everyone, they are not the same as therapy. Therapy is designed to help you see what it is not possible for you to see for yourself, in an objective and caring environment in which you don’t have the burden of having to work to keep the other person engaged and paying attention.

LGBT Healthcare and Resources

MYTH: I’m not as messed up as my spouse/child/parent. Why should I be the one to get therapy?

TRUTH: Life is not a contest over who should be the first to do the right thing. Therapy is for people intelligent and courageous enough to realize that there is no way we can be completely objective about ourselves. (Einstein helped us figure that one out with his theory of relativity.) When something is obviously keeping you from firing on all cylinders in your relationship with yourself or with the significant people in your life, it is a clear signal suggesting that it may be time to seek counseling.

Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists

The Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists (AGLP) is a professional organization of psychiatrists, psychiatry residents, and medical students which serves as a voice for the concerns of lesbians and gay men within the psychiatric community.

http://aglp.org/

MYTH: I don’t want to spend the money.

TRUTH: In the first place, the cost might be covered by health insurance, and there are low-cost options available in most communities. But why would you not want to spend money on something that is likely to make your life better – possibly way better? Are you waiting for someone else to do that for you? Reluctance to pay for therapy just because you don’t like to part with your money can be a smokescreen to hide your worries about meeting the unknown in your own mind and about truly facing the reality of your life.  Therapists are trained to make that process a reasonable one for you. Therapy helps you grow up, no matter what your chronological age is.

MYTH: Once you start therapy, it never ends. Just look at Woody Allen and his never-ending analysis.

TRUTH: Competent therapy has a beginning, middle, and end. Most often I work from a psychoanalytic framework, which generally does take a long time. However, the process might usefully be thought of as rewiring parts of the brain – not a quick task. But my expectation for every patient is that we will indeed one day say goodbye because we will have cured the problems the patient came for help with. (That is one difference between analytic therapy and supportive therapy.)

MYTH: I don’t have time for therapy.

TRUTH: You might want to poll the people who love you before you go with that; they might want to ask you exactly what you think is more important to spend your time doing than improving your relationship with them. If we only have so much time on Planet Earth, doesn’t it make sense to get help sooner rather than later, especially if it means the help may improve your whole life?

MYTH: There’s no way to know if a particular therapist can be trusted.

TRUTH: Any career attracts a few bad apples. However, the psychotherapy field is full of competent, kind, highly-educated professionals with skills to help you. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out if a particular therapist is a good match for you. Are they licensed? Has their license been suspended at any point? Do they belong to the professional organization of their license (e.g. the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists)? Were they referred by someone you have reason to respect? Does their office convey a sense of professionalism? Do they demonstrate respect for your time? Are they clear about fees?  Do they refrain from using your time to tell you about their personal lives? Do they make it clear that therapy takes place under strictly professional standards? Are they focused on listening to you? Are you comfortable talking with them?

MYTH: I should be able to figure things out myself without professional help.

TRUTH: Is that what you tell yourself when your car needs a tune-up? If your roof is leaking and needs attention, do you berate yourself for not fixing it yourself? Do you cut your own hair? Some things just can’t be done well by even the best intentioned untrained person. Therapy falls into that category. There is no shame in having problems – it’s part of being human. The shame is in letting matters fester, rather than call a therapist. Even therapists need therapists at some points.

You Go First: Why It’s Hard To Start Seeing A Therapist

The post You Go First: Why It’s Hard To Start Seeing A Therapist appeared first on Seasons of Pride.

Harvey Milk Day 2017

Harvey Milk Day – Celebrated to honor Harvey Milk, assassinated politician, on his birthday, it is celebrated officially in California, Milk’s home state. Join thousands across the globe to honor his memory and celebrate his message of hope. Celebrate Harvey Milk’s life story, message, and legacy in celebrating globally on his birthday to give hope and inspire disenfranchised communities. May 22, 2017

Harvey Milk Day 2017

Our Equality Movement across the globe will celebrate the life story, message, and legacy of my uncle Harvey Milk. Join thousands across the globe to honor his memory and celebrate his message of hope. We are asking you to celebrate Harvey Milk’s life story, message and legacy in celebrating globally on his birthday to give hope and inspire disenfranchised communities.

Harvey was a pioneer of the 20th century. His struggle and his deeds will prove to history that there’s no such thing as a gay way, there is only one way. We can make Harvey live forever by continuing to do things his way, in the deeds and in the accomplishments of our daily efforts to make our world live.

 

He believed broad public education and dialogue was paramount to his life’s work as a civil rights leader and with your energy we hope you will work to inspire individuals, communities, and organizations to carry on his values in a timeless vision for a better world.


Seasons of Pride is pleased to present the Gay Pride or LGBTQ Pride Calendar for 2017.  You will find Gay Pride events, LGBT Film Festivals, and the Gay Travel Events like Gay Ski Weeks. We do our best to try and keep up with all the events, but sometimes we miss one or two.

If your event is not listed, just drop us an email to info@seasonsofpride.com

Bear | Business | Career| Conferences | Europe | Film | Leather | Lesbian | Trans | Youth

The post Harvey Milk Day 2017 appeared first on Seasons of Pride.

Harvey Milk Day 2017

Harvey Milk Day – Celebrated to honor Harvey Milk, assassinated politician, on his birthday, it is celebrated officially in California, Milk’s home state. Join thousands across the globe to honor his memory and celebrate his message of hope. Celebrate Harvey Milk’s life story, message, and legacy in celebrating globally on his birthday to give hope and inspire disenfranchised communities. May 22, 2017

Harvey Milk Day 2017

Our Equality Movement across the globe will celebrate the life story, message, and legacy of my uncle Harvey Milk. Join thousands across the globe to honor his memory and celebrate his message of hope. We are asking you to celebrate Harvey Milk’s life story, message and legacy in celebrating globally on his birthday to give hope and inspire disenfranchised communities.

Harvey was a pioneer of the 20th century. His struggle and his deeds will prove to history that there’s no such thing as a gay way, there is only one way. We can make Harvey live forever by continuing to do things his way, in the deeds and in the accomplishments of our daily efforts to make our world live.

 

He believed broad public education and dialogue was paramount to his life’s work as a civil rights leader and with your energy we hope you will work to inspire individuals, communities, and organizations to carry on his values in a timeless vision for a better world.


Seasons of Pride is pleased to present the Gay Pride or LGBTQ Pride Calendar for 2017.  You will find Gay Pride events, LGBT Film Festivals, and the Gay Travel Events like Gay Ski Weeks. We do our best to try and keep up with all the events, but sometimes we miss one or two.

If your event is not listed, just drop us an email to info@seasonsofpride.com

Bear | Business | Career| Conferences | Europe | Film | Leather | Lesbian | Trans | Youth

The post Harvey Milk Day 2017 appeared first on Seasons of Pride.

Palm Beach County Strengthens Civil Rights Protections

(GayWebSource.com) (West Palm Beach, Florida) –  At this morning’s meeting, Palm Beach County Commissioners voted unanimously to expand civil rights protections for minorities by amending the definition of “places of public accommodation” in the Palm Beach County Ordinance for Equal Opportunity to Housing and Places of Public Accommodation.

“When I looked at the antidiscrimination ordinances that had been in effect in Palm Beach County over the years, it became clear that our law needed to be updated to better protect minorities,” said County Commissioner Mary Lou Berger. “In light of all that is happening with race relations across our nation, this is the appropriate time for the County Commission to take a strong, proactive stand against discrimination.”

While a majority of states have long prohibited discrimination of any kind in retail establishments, Florida is not one of them.

“Since there is no statewide law covering discrimination in retail stores, the ordinance passed today is clearly the most significant civil rights law passed in Palm Beach County in decades,” said Rand Hoch, the retired judge who provided the County Attorney’s office with the language used in the ordinance.

Hoch is President and Founder of the Palm Beach County Human Rights Council (PBCHRC), the County’s most prolific civil rights organization. Over the past twenty-five years, PBCHRC has succeeded in having public officials enact more than 90 local antidiscrimination laws and policies.

Palm Beach County first enacted an ordinance to prohibit discrimination in places of public accommodation in 1973.  Over the years, the ordinance has been rewritten to include discrimination based on race, sex, color, religion, national origin, disability, familial status, sexual orientation, age, marital status, and gender identity or expression.

However, for more than three decades, instances of public accommodation discrimination were strictly limited to only those which occurred in places offering lodging, food service or entertainment in the ordinance.

“The ordinance traced its roots back to civil rights laws written in the 1960s when it was legal to have ‘Whites only’ hotels, restaurants and bars and the County Commissioners only addressed inequities had occurred in very few places of commerce.” said Hoch. “As we know, discriminatory acts are not limited to those few places.”

“No one should be subjected to the humiliation of being denied service in a store open to the general public because of his or her race.” said County Commissioner Priscilla Taylor.

“Allowing store owners to choose their customers based on prejudice deprives shoppers of the freedom to walk into a store that seems to be open the general public and get served like everybody else,” said Hoch.

At today’s meeting, the County Commissioners widely expanded the definition of public accommodation to include retail stores, schools, day care and senior centers, medical offices, funeral homes, bakeries, laundromats and virtually all other places of business throughout the county.

“When the Palm Beach County Human Rights Council asked the County Commission to expand the definition of places of public accommodation last January, our main priority was to prohibit consumer racism in retail stores – a practice known as ‘shopping while Black,'” said Hoch.

The experience of people of color being refused service – or given poor service – is not uncommon.  “Shopping while Black” also includes black customers being followed by store clerks, wrongly detained, steered away from certain products, and being asked for additional forms of identification regarding credit applications.

President Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey,  Condoleezza Rice, and other well-know Black Americans have publically discussed their humiliating experiences of shopping while black.

“There are very few African American men in this country who haven’t had the experience of being followed when they were shopping in a department store,” President Obama said after the 2012 shooting of Trayvon Martin. “That includes me.”

“Public accommodations must be open to all people equally. If you hang out a shingle and get a license to do business with the general public, you should be required to provide the same service to all of the general public – and that includes gays and lesbians.” said Hoch.

Since same-sex marriage has become legal, a handful of companies in the wedding industry in Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont and Washington have  refused to provide services gay and lesbian couples.

“Gay and lesbian couples planning their weddings are being refused service solely because of their sexual orientation,” said Hoch.  “Under the new Palm Beach County ordinance, if a bakery refuse to provide a cake for a gay or lesbian couple’s wedding, that baker may be faced with litigation, a fine of up to $50,000 and payment of attorneys’ fees.”

The new ordinance does take into account the special rights of churches and private clubs by exempting both religious and distinctly private organizations from the ordinance.

“Churches may be allowed to  exclude people of other faiths.  Private clubs may be allowed to continue to deny membership based on race and religion,” said Hoch. “However, in Palm Beach County, businesses engaged in commerce will no longer be allowed to refuse service based on a person’s race, religion, disability, sexual orientation or any other protected classes.”

 

1 Song for Equality and Peace by Craymo

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3JHZ23suKo">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3JHZ23suKo</a>
(GayWebSource.com) Orlando, FL 1/1/2017

Indie gay Orlando singer/songwriter Craymo releases an inspirational new music video for the re-release single of his reggae pop song One Love One World (We Are One). One Love One World is a heartfelt song promoting world peace, equality, love, tolerance, brotherhood and human rights.

With all of the recent incidents of terrorism, mass shootings and senseless killing of innocent people and children, Craymo wants to start 2016 with a message and vision of love for the world. The music video begins with children in Pang Liu Village in China who were taught English using One Love One World as a learning aid.

It is a thought provoking message of the power of a song to change people’s lives for the better. Craymo says “let’s all put our hands together to help make this world a better place for all of us.”

The music video is co-directed by Craymo along with Nathan McMahan of August Moon Productions. The Director of Photography is Brent Reynolds, also of August Moon Productions and was edited by Jason Barnes, all local central Florida film talents. One Love One World (We Are One) is co-written by Craig Stephen Raymo and Brandon Jarrett of Moho Productions. The song is produced by Brandon Jarrett.

One Love One World (We Are One) world premiere music video is released January 1, 2016 on YouTube and all social media.

One Love One World is from Craymo’s CD Cosmos available on iTunes

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/one-love-one-world/id580366397?i=580366635

and CDBaby.com

West Palm Beach Mayor Jeri Muoio places travel ban on city-funded trips to Mississippi

(GayWebSource.com – West Palm Beach, Florida) — In the wake of Mississippi’s enactment of HB 1523, West Palm Beach Mayor Jeri Muoio became the first mayor in Florida — and the second in the nation after Seattle Mayor Ed Murray — to place a travel ban on city-funded trips to Mississippi.

HB 1523, which was signed into law yesterday by Mississippi’s Republican Governor, Phil Bryant, allows people with religious objections to deny services to lesbian and gays and permits employers to use religious beliefs as justification in determining workplace policies.

“For more than two decades, West Palm Beach has been in the forefront, protecting the civil rights and ensuring equality for the LGBT community,” said Muoio. “Until the discriminatory laws in Mississippi and North Carolina are repealed, West Palm Beach taxpayers will not subsidize legally-sanctioned discrimination against LGBT people.”

On March 28, Muoio became the second mayor in the nation — after San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee – to impose a similar ban on travel to North Carolina following the enactment of another comprehensive anti-LGBT law in that state.

Mayor Muoio implemented the two travel bans at the request of the Palm Beach County Human Rights Council (PBCHRC), a local civil rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression.  Since 1990, PBCHRC has been responsible for the enactment of more than 100 local laws and policies which prohibit discrimination against the LGBT community.

“Once again, Mayor Muoio has taken steps to ensure that taxpayers dollars will not be spent in places that discriminate against LGBT Americans,” said retired judge Rand Hoch, PBCHRC President and Founder.  “We commend Mayor Muoio for putting her strong beliefs against bigotry into action by prohibiting taxpayer dollars being used in both Mississippi and North Carolina.”

Last year, Muoio was one of a handful of mayors who announced a similar travel ban to the state of Indiana, following the

wake of Indiana’s passage of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act,

As the result of pressure placed on Indiana by civic leaders, businesses, and numerous other entities, the Indiana Legislature promptly amended the Religious Freedom Restoration Act,by specifying that the law could not be used as a legal defense to discriminate against patrons based on their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Following Muoio’s announcement this morning, travel bans to Mississippi have been implemented by the governors of Minnesota, New York, Vermont and Washington as well as the mayors of.San Francisco and Seattle

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Media provided by GayWebSource.com – Gay Media and Press Network.

Indie Orlando LGBT Artist Craymo wins Best Song for Anti-Bullying Anthem in Worldwide Music Contest

Be Myself CD Single Cover

(GayWebSource.com) Orlando, FL 12/19/2017 Anti bullying song Be Myself
Indie Orlando singer/songwriter recently won Best Song for his anti-bullying dance pop anthem Be Myself in the 3rd edition of the original songwriting competition the Worldwide Music Contest out of over 1200 entries from songwriters all over the world. Be Myself is an inspirational electronic pop anthem about embracing your individuality. Craymo dedicates the song to anyone who has ever been bullied, teased or made fun of for being different.

Craymo is a LGBT artist and was bullied growing up for being gay and also for wearing glasses. Craymo says: “I grew up gay and was bullied and teased as a teenager and young adult and had to pretend that I was straight to keep from being bullied, verbally and physically. I wanted to give back and create a song about embracing your individuality, an empowering song about courage to possibly help those who may be going through the same things with their self-confidence. I want to let kids know that it is OK to be different, it’s OK to just be yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks.” Gary Root, reviewer for Skope Magazine summed it up: “Craymo makes musical magic with a message in this upbeat, dance party with passion and purpose. In music, breaking rules and challenging conventional wisdom are often deliberate efforts to establish a marketing niche, but for Craymo it probably feels more like natural state of mind and being.”

“Be Myself” serves up an inviting pop dance number geared to blending 1980’s pop like George Michael and some of today’s chart topping music like Olly Murs, Will Young, Ronan Keating, Robbie Williams and Maroon 5. Be Myself also won Best Pop/Rock Song in the August 2015 Akademia Music Awards and was a finalist for Best Pop Song in the 2016 Indie Music Channel Awards and finalist for Best Pop Song in the 2015 Hollywood Music In Media Awards. Be Myself also recently held the #2 position on the Euro Indie Music Chart.

Learn more about Craymo’s music and purchase Be Myself at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/craymo3

###

ABOUT
Craymo is an inspirational singer/songwriter that writes and performs uplifting alternative pop songs about life and love. His single One Love One World (We Are One) promotes equality, diversity, human rights and world peace. The song is a featured download on the UNESCO website New Songs For Peace and has been performed by children at their schools all over the world. One Love One World was also used as a learning aid to help teach English to students in Pang Liu Village in China. Craymo has been an opening act for Smashmouth and appeared as a male vocalist on Star Search ’89 with Ed McMahon. His songs have been licensed in several TV shows including The Mysteries of Laura (NBC), Toddlers and Tiaras (TLC), Chris and John To The Rescue (Canada), The Orlando Citrus Parade (Synd) and many indie films including Lucky Dog,Culture Shock, Gabe The Cupid Dog, Miss Castaway and Paper Thin Immortals. Craymo’s song Moment won Best Alternative Recording in the 2016 Indie Music Channel Awards. Moment is a song that promotes suicide prevention awareness and he wrote the song after his first cousin took his own life with the hope that it might help prevent others from doing the same. The music video for Be Myself was directed by Stas Ivanov and is available on YouTube and Vevo.

SOCIAL MEDIA

http://www.facebook.com/Craymo.music

http://www.youtube.com/Craymo
http://www.instagram.com/Craymomusic

Talking Dating with Dr Frankie

Recently, we caught up with lesbian matchmaker extraordinaire – Dr Frankie of Little Gay Book

Tell us a little bit about your background and how you became a matchmaker.

I grew up in a large Jewish family in Manhattan.  I had many wonderful relationships with my extended family including my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  From an early age I treasured these relationships and valued the time we spent together.  I have always been a people person and as I became older my interest in human behavior expanded.  After I received my undergraduate degree from Northeastern University I took the plunge and moved to California to pursue a doctoral degree in clinical psychology. After about ten years of clinical practice I really felt the pull to branch out and use my talents and training in a less formal setting.  My own long-term relationship with my partner and our relationships with our twins brought me so much joy I wanted everyone to have this experience.  This happened to coincide with so many of my friends having a really difficult time meeting a compatible partner.  I remember the day I told my partner that I wanted to become a lesbian matchmaker, and Little Gay Book was born!  I take a so much pride in the connections and matches I have made, as well as in the company that I have built.

What’s the difference between matchmaking and online dating?

You really can’t compare the two.  When done properly, matchmaking is a very personalized experience.  It is the matchmaker’s job to track down potential matches and screen them for compatibility, which includes red flags.  I often tell prospective clients that it is my job to get stood up, and to go on the bad first dates.  My clients are busy professionals who don’t have time for that nonsense, that’s part of what they pay me for!  A good matchmaker personally knows his or her clients and understands their personalities, dating histories, must-haves, and deal breakers.  A great matchmaker not only understands their clients but also has a strong understanding of human behavior.  They identify their client’s unsuccessful dating patterns and guide them away from repeating that pattern.

How do you decide a good match?

A good match is really based on a myriad of variables.  I look at the compatibility of personality types, interests, religious beliefs, and cultural backgrounds are just a few.  Relationship histories, socio economic status, intro-extro version, sex drive (top-bottom-switch), are also important factors.  And sometimes even when things look great on paper there just isn’t any chemistry.  That’s something that is difficult to quantify, so that’s what makes a matchmaker’s intuition so important!

When should you consult a matchmaker?

I think a great time is when a person is truly ready to be serious about her love life.  Dating, especially online dating, can be such a time drain.  We screen everyone that we consider introducing our clients to during a 90 minute consultation.  This consultation is essentially the professional equivalent of the first date.  I am able to save my clients a great deal of time and energy when they try and meet people on their own.  Many of my clients hire me for both relationship coaching and matchmaking.  I have found this is almost an unbeatable combination.  In general I would suggest hiring a matchmaker when someone feels they have exhausted their dating pool, are fed up with blind dates and online dating, and are serious in their quest to find a life partner.

Are you in a relationship?

Yes, my partner and I are coming up on our tenth anniversary actually!  We have a strong bond based on love and mutual respect.  Like any couple, especially with children, we have seen our share of ups and downs, but we are both committed to our relationship and family.

What do you think of shows like Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger?

I think Patti is good at what she does and I find her show really entertaining.  She makes some really insightful observations and reads between the lines.  She and I have different styles when dealing with clients, but that’s natural.  I think my client’s would say I’m a bit more…tactful, shall we say?

What is your best matchmaking tip?

My number one piece of advice is to not limit yourself by creating excessive must-haves, obstacles and deal breakers.  Understand the difference between a “must-have”, a deal breaker and a preference.  For example, if you are a very accomplished athlete hoping to date someone similar, dating a kayaker, a long distance runner or a snowboarder is a preference.  To maximize your chance of finding someone really compatible, think of the broader category as athletic, and place that in your “must-have” column.  And on a side note, finding love is not a race, it’s a path of self-discovery that will hopefully eventually lead to love.  So if you’re ambivalent about your feelings after one date, give it a second shot and see where things go.  As Oprah says, women are slow cookers and it takes us a while to warm up.  Maximize your chance for success by keeping your heart and mind open.

What should we avoid when first dating?

Two common pitfalls people often find, which both stem from anxiety, are excessive drinking and inappropriate self disclosure.  Limit your alcohol consumption to a maximum of two drinks.  Anything more than two drinks might cloud your judgment and make you sloppy.  Also, have compassion for yourself and try and remember that we all have baggage. Don’t attempt to deal with your baggage by “laying it all on the table” or full disclosure, on the first date.  It can also be a form of self-sabotage, but that’s another issue althogether.

What do you think of online dating?

I think online dating has seen its heyday.  It can be a good way to meet people, but it is also very time consuming.  My friends have told me how they spend hours and hours sifting through suggested profiles, crafting the perfect email that stands out from the slew of other emails without coming across as if they’ve spent too much time trying to make the email special, only to never hear from the person.  I think also that people can get sucked into a cyber relationship with the fantasy of who they want to meet.  People sometimes spend weeks and more communicating back and forth, disclosing very personal information, and ultimately creating a fantasy of what the other person is.  My suggestion to online daters is to keep the emailing, texting and calling minimal and to the point.  The point after all is to meet in real life and hopefully cultivate a relationship, right?

Where can we learn more?

Great question! I encourage everyone to check out my website at littlegaybook.com.  There are links to my radio interviews, magazine articles, and my blog.  I also hope all the single ladies will fill out a confidential profile!  It’s free to be in my database and your profile will never be browsed by clients.  Like I love say, fortune favors the bold!

The post Talking Dating with Dr Frankie appeared first on Seasons of Pride.

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